Just finished another book of poetry by Sam Pink, it's called "I am going to clone myself then kill the clone and eat it." Before the book actually starts, Pink wrote "you are walking past a cemetery, and you think, "oh yeah, that's right." " I thought that was pretty lulzy.
This one is titled Roller Hockey. "When I was ten I used to play roller hockey with the kid who lived across the street. One time his dad came out while we were playing and he got in goal. He said he used to play hockey and that we didn't know what we were doing. Then he asked me to get my dad "out 'ere, and see ifee can man-up." I told him my dad was at work. Then he tried to show me how to hold my stick the right way. His breath smelled like whiskey. He kept pushing me. He said, "That's what hockey is about." Five minutes later, his son and I decided we didn't want to play hockey anymore and that we'd rather swim in the pool in his backyard. As we walked to the pool, the dad said, "Hey, don't be pissin in my pool. Arright? I wouldn't swim in your toilet so don't be pissin in my pool." Later on, while pissing in his pool, I thought to myself, "I wouldn't mind if he swam in my toilet because then it would be easy for me to shit on him. Real easy." "
Advice. "A good thing to say after shaking someone's hand is: "Finally. I have always wanted to touch another human." Another good thing to say is: "I will never be clean again" while looking idly at your hand."
Being alone isn't bad once you realize no one has anything to offer you. "Some girl at a New Year's Eve party offered to show me her breasts for a quarter. I had the quarter but refused her. Then I explained to her that I needed the quarter to buy a gumball on my way home. She was angry. I bought the gumball and chewed it until all the flavor was gone."
Dead horse. "If I ever find a dead horse, I am going to beat the fucking shit out of it. I will beat the shit out of the dead horse until all the bones in my fingers, hands, wrists and arms are broken. Then I will beat the dead horse with my feet and let my broken arms flail uncontrollably like a violent sprinkler. If I ever find a dead horse, I am going to beat the fucking shit out of it."
There are quite a few poems in this book, these were the ones that were fairly short.