Saturday, March 31, 2012

I'm pretty sure we all know that this is how the first level of Parappa would've really went down.


Antarctica is hoarding all the ice.

Monday, March 26, 2012

My friends and I drove eight hours from Arkansas to Atlanta to see Odd Future this past Sunday.

Saw both of these things at a gas station in Alabama somewhere, I tried to american pick the airstream, but it didnt quite work out.

 We went to Dave and Buster's. I played fruit ninja and infinity blade for the first time, shit was tight, but I just felt wrong for putting my hands on a television screen. Guess Im old school like that.

Got this at Dave and Buster's because Im fucking tired of Doc Ock trying to steal my damn kroger card.

I will never be as cool as these guys. While waiting in line at the Tabernacle saw these guys, believe it or not, these people were on a damn segue tour of Atlanta. Damn. The segues kill me enough, but the helmets...good god the helmets...

In line at the venue, various members of odd future came out and skated, chilled, whatever, and people kept trying to approach the railing and shit, especially bitches, just trying to get some odd future dick. And fat bitches who cmon, you aint got no damn chance, fat bitches. And random doodbros trying to get shit signed. Get that out of here, they dont wanna fuck with your shit. Also in line, good god, I will never understand star worship, yea I like odd future, and sure I'd like to slap hands with the members of odd future, but Im not gonna get hysterical at being near them, they're just people. Famous people, but just people.

This was the only pic I managed to take and it was before the show even started. They used the screen to show us a 6min preview of loiter squad which was cool, but they had to start the vid like ten times. The crowd was so fucking awesome, everyone jumping and dancing and going so hard, it was awesome. The sound at the Tabernacle was kind of shitty though.

The trip was pretty cool, last thing we did was stop at a gas station in Alabama where a clerk asked me what we were up to, keep in mind this was at about 1am. I told him we had went to a music show in ATL, he responded in what can only be described as redneck monotone (he also had a smushed up face) with "I used to be in a band, til I started smoking the reefer." I laughed and said "what are you doing man?! there are two cops right there! you cant go around talking about reefer!" The cops laughed and said "yea we smoke the reefer all the time." I said " this a trap? you guys are gonna have to try harder than that if youre trying to catch us, youre in your uniforms, get some plainclothes at least!" The smug bald detective came back with "you dont even know the half of it."

Good trip was good.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Im not trying to a bitch buuuuuuuuuuut, what the fuck is up with games coming out and not having local co-op play? I am straight up PERTURBED about this shit. You mean to tell me, that this motherfucker sitting right next to me, with a controller in his hand, cant play a game with me on the same console, on the same tv, in the same room? I can play some random dood in France, but I cant play with the motherfucker right here? What's going on here? Im trying to locally be social and game companies are putting a stop to it! I am downright frazzled. I mean, I know what theyre doing, theyre doing this to ensure that if I wanna play with my bro, I have to buy a copy and he HAS to buy a copy. Now that's double copies, and through science we see that as double profits, and double profits is just good bidness. But srsly...its frustrating.

In short, RE: Operation Raccoon City does NOT have local co-op.
I sort of bought this book on a whim, I didnt really know anything about it, but the cover art was done by one of my favorite artists, Alex Pardee, and it had a glowing review from Chuck Palahniuk. Man, Im so glad I did, all these short stories are so beautifully written and the stories seem wildly different until you realize they all deal with different aspects of human nature. 

There is a story about a guy who getting the top of his mouth bitten by a bug, and he slowly begins to disintegrate, him and the bug becoming one. The story climaxes with the clump of a man sitting in a crowded movie theater touching himself and as he is doing so, his penis splits open and giant egg sacs slide out of his urethra. After sliding out, the egg sacs lay on the floor and then erupt and engulf the entire screen with the infectious bugs.

There are a few stories dealing with parasites, but there's a story about ghosts, saving redwoods, gangs of 'roided out men stalking the streets, being a scientist for nazis, and even claiming the body of one's dead husband. In short, the shit is cray, but just brilliantly written. I highly recommend this. Now, dont you think that this cover would make an equally awesome tattoo? I think so.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

it makes me sad that some black people think that cars are actually called "cores." as in "my core is so fine" 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Just finished this book of poetry from Mr. Sam Pink. This one had a bunch of good ones, but here are my favorites...

"I want to be your movie bad guy. When you walk into a room that I am already in, I will have my back turned, and I will be looking out a stormy window, pouring a glass of some kind of brown liquor. Then I will say something cryptic and sip the liquor. Lightning will illuminate my scowl. I will convert all my maniacal endeavors into something that can be activated by a button, so that every once in a while I can lift the glass cover to the button and wave my fingers about it, threateningly. On one of my fingers, probably my pinky, I will wear a big ring. The ring will enclose a large gemstone, a gemstone I had extracted from my mine, by an impoverished child-laborer using a rusty ax. I will kidnap one of your relatives (I've been practicing at a nursery so I'm damn fucking good) and then situate that relative in a room with a blanket over their head, so when you confront me, I will laugh and then scratch the blanket away and say something snide, perhaps "Check this shit out motherfucker." And protect your pets, because I will even strap bombs and shit to them. I will strap bombs to your fish and/or canary. The bombs will have an adequate amount of time left on them to disarm them (because I'm not a total asshole). I want to be your movie bad guy but I'm only mean to you because I have a crush on you."

"There's a big stain on my t-shirt. I traced around it with a marker and cut it out. I took it to the park and let it play with the other kids. While it played I talked to the other parents. I told them how it had been hard for the stain to adjust in school. How the stain came home crying every day. How the other kids pushed the stain around and punched it. Then I realized that I wasn't at a park and was actually drunk and half dead lying on the banks of a small pond in the middle of the woods alone, talking to a dandelion."

"Soft and shiny is a good way to describe your hair after using some really good shampoo. Soft and shiny is also a good way to describe my penis after I get really drunk and spill glitter on my penis"

"If I were pregnant I'd eat a lot of spiders so my baby would turn into a superhero."

"I want to get my grandma's face tattooed on my stomach so it stares at everyone I fuck."

"Hair metal sucks."

I honestly cant tell if this whole thing is a troll or not.

literally just bought this, oh hell yea.

Friday, March 16, 2012

living in debauchery and sex-filled colonies, it makes me sick.

when people are fighting on twitter, this is what I like to picture.

you arent fooling anyone with that comb over, spanish n.

irl mario sunshine, daaaaaamn.
hey if you wanna watch old eps of GOOD mtv animated shows like celebrity deathmatch or daria, check this out.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Today is a good day. Going to see Every Time I Die in Memphis tonight. Got my Odd Future ticket in for ATL later this month, and I got my Sam Pink cassette in. Hot shit.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Just got back from watching Project X, now I know that this is a bad movie but goddamnitt, I was entertained. I WANNA PARTY RIGHT NOW.


Going to Germany this summer, this is how Im preparing.
Navene Koperweis, the drummer for AAL, makes electronic music that is the bee's knees. Help him out with some likes and listens.

Pam from Archer and Jillian from Workaholics are essentially the same character. They're both sort of a saucy, fat chick who can throw down when necessary. I even thought that Pam might be voiced by the actress who plays Jillian, but I was wrong. But seriously, same bitch is same.

Jillian from Workaholics is played by Jillian Bell, who I guess Workaholics is the only thing she has done, since she doesn't have a wiki.

Pam from Archer is voiced by a woman named Amber Nash who has done voices for Frisky Dingo, ATHF, and a few other projects.

I just started reading the Amazing Spiderman comics, because it seems like the thing to do, but check out how Peter is drawn. Like a complete fag. 

and in at least the first issue, they throw around the word "bookworm" like it's a racial slur.

As you can see, the brand of these is called One a Day, but if you look at the serving size...


Friday, March 2, 2012

THIS IS SO AWESOME. I love when people do stuff like this.