Starship Troopers versus Halo.

Kenshi from Mortal Kombat is cool and all, but IRL he's gotta rock a cane when going out and about.

I was in Barnes and Noble when this hottie strolled my way. This is what a sixty+ year old playa looks like, ladies and gentleman. And it looks good.

Ohhhh man, where do I even begin with this book? I am so glad that I read it. Normally, I would say that humor is difficult to translate into a book, but Tucker Max seems to have made an art of it. His debauchery knows no bounds. He convinced girls to fuck him and do his laundry just because he wrote a book. Woah, the power of literature.  Here are some images from the book:

and if you're curious as to what it looks like when someone gets a blowjob and an xray at the same time, here's the link. http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/8/tucker-max-sex-ray-1105865 but I do warn you that you will not be able to UN-see it.

Here's an excerpt called Aren't You Lucky?:
"One of the first girls I ever fucked from my website told me she had two tattoos. One was right between her breasts, her initials in Celtic. Whatever. During foreplay, I asked her where the other one was. She hesitated, then said: "Oh well, I might as well show it to you, you're going to see it anyway." She pulled her pants off to reveal a long string of words right above her vagina, stretching all the way across her pelvis. Set inside alternating blue stars and pink hearts, like a slutty Lucky Charms leprechaun, were the words: "Aren't you lucky?" I looked at it for a second. "That depends on how many guys have been asked that question before me, doesn't it?" "

This one was good, but there are so many more hilarious stories in the book, but I wasn't about to type a bunch of pages. Read this.

This is Sam Pink's new book, No One Can Do Anything Worse to You than You Can. It consists of four lengthy poems, all of which are fantastic and delicious. I have been wanting a Sam Pink tattoo since I started reading his books and this cover is really well done, but I would get it sans the butterflies because butterflies are downright queer.

 Here's an excerpt from the poem A Shield Made of Napkins. "I see other people and wonder if they've had the exact same thoughts as me and if so, would that be better or worse than otherwise. I see other people and have no thoughts. The worst feeling is hearing someone else express a thought you wish wasn't true but have already accepted. Money. Shit. BB gun. Death. Unmarked grave in the woods."

halo is a damn rip-off of starship troopers.

My laptop is looking fly now AND this will ward off thieves.